Watching a narcissist attempt to reuse his habitual failed tactics over and over can become quite annoying. Some may question why the narcissist continues to use the tactics that have failed him and that have been brought to light before him?
Well…the narcissist can only deem a manipulation tactic as failing if he does not gain supply when he deploys such.
You may than ask yourself, how could the narcissist deem the calling out of any of his manipulation tactics, supply? Why isn’t his facade deemed the priority in such moments of confrontation?
The quick and short answer-supply is the only goal a narcissist has. Let me explain ..
The narcissist creates an illusion solely for his victim to adopt as a perception of his facade..but this facade is not the same facade the narcissist is feeding within via supply. This illusion adopted by the narcissist’s victims frequently causes an inner conflict for them due to their need to understand the depths of their abuser’s pathology in order to make sense of their reality and the creature that lays before them. The facade the narcissist is actually feeding is a delusional based powerful and omnipotent god who is proven to be such in the mind of the narcissist because he renders his victims helpless before him. ( This particular mental construct will be depicted and explained in more detail for you in a future blog)
Essentially, the narcissist uses his facade to gain attention and if that means he gains attention by his victim pointing out to him his manipulation tactics, he accepts this attention with open arms.
Experts on Narcissistic Abuse discuss no contact as being the sole solution when attempting to recover fron such a nightmare. It is important to understand that yes, going no contact is truly the sole solution but, there is still a common misunderstanding held by many regarding this concept.
Going no contact simply because someone such as an expert or a friend tells you to go no contact, will never become a core motivational factor in attempting to go no contact.
What seems to be misunderstood is one’s understanding towards the true reasoning behind why no contact is in fact the sole solution when ridding yourself from such a toxic person.
Why no contact is the only solution:
1. You cannot leave a narcissist like you would in any other relationship When trying to leave a relationship with a narcissist, you will be verbally abused, manipulated and coerced.
2. You cannot in fact, fix things with a narcissist because you are not allowed to contest the god complex and ego. Your thoughts and emotions have been rendered an insult to the narcissist thus, the narcissist attacking everything you do and say.
3. You are seen as a slave to the narcissist and this fact becomes confirmed everytime the three stage cycle of narcissistic abuse take place.
4. Eventually, you will come to realize that you are not even in a relationship but instead, a slave to the narcissist’s psychosis. You have been taught you cannot express yourself before your narcissist thus, realizing there is nothing left but voluntary slavery or going no contact.
Without subjectively understanding and a person experiencing the above, no contact remains a dream come true that never becomes true just like the narcissist.
Some narcissists are completely obsessed with cleaning. Why I use the word obsessed is because this word suggests disorder and suggests an illogical state of thinking. These specific types of narcissists are not in fact concerned with what is in fact clean or organized but instead, are obsessed with what others can see and deem clean. The narcissist will obsessively clean their living room floor over and over, but their bedroom is a utterly disgustingly dirty. This type of obsession will always come before the well being of anyone the narcissist knows. Why I bring up such a point is because a narcissist can never be the cause of their dirty floor, as an example. The believe they are perfect in all that they do. Due to this narcissistic cognitive error, they will continuously degrade anyone they live with when their urge to obsessively clean kicks in.
Another type of narcissist is the narcissist who is obsessive compulsive with their belongings in their pathological abode. Every item they own has a place in their space and they do not want this order of things to be disrupted in any way whatsoever. For example, a narcissist who anal retentively needs to be the only person who washes, dries, folds and puts away their own laundry. Their unique obsessive way is thee only way such a chore can be done in their pathological space.
The obsessively cleaning type of narcissist needs to regulate and control every aspect of their life and this leads thr narcissist down very strange paths.
People tend to refrain from acknowledginging a very important factor that comes into play when it comes time to escape the narcissist and go no contact. This particular factor is the victim’s weaknesses which are very well known to the narcissist.
The narcissist studies his victims in a very unique but of course, this is never something the narcissist ever admits so it make sense to why this factor fails to be incorporated into the grieving stage for most victims.
It is very important that anyone dealing with such an it of a human being takes the time to self reflect, to learn about oneself so they are aware of what the narcissist uses against them. A few pointers are:
what are your traumas?
what emotions are attached to those traumas?
how do you react to your emotions?
what needs are not being met in your emotional life?
what are your fears?
what are your pet peeves?
what offends you?
what do you desire?
what do you cherish?
what do you deem intolerable and tolerable?
what are your values?
what are your beliefs around: verbal abuse, cheating, manipulation, lying, deceit of anykind, what a healthy relationship consists of, marriage, kids, physical abuse, stalking, sex, emotions, etc.
do you respect and love yourself? why or why not?
what did the narcissist provide you in the beginning of your relationship that won you over?
The narcissist loves to send his victim mixed messages. For example, when the narcissist hacks his victim’s computers and phone, he will ensure he is messaging his victim on every possible social app at the same time in attempts to confuse his victim . The narcissist knows his victim knows it is him messaging, but this does not matter to the narcissist. While the narcissist is doing this, he is also pretending to be angry in silence as his known self or verbally abusing his victim. These mixed messages are intended to confuse his victims so they are completely lacking insight towards what the narcissist is thinking or feeling, having to guess or assume everything.
The victim may know it is the narcissist messaging him from all directions but it is difficult for the victim to not take what the narcissist is saying or doing as the truth. For example, if the narcissist is being extremely kind as an alias, the victim wants or will come to believe that the narcissist cannot speak directly to them due to his mental illness or insecurities. This is not the case and it is important to know what the narcissist’s true goal is when he attempts to do such which is gaining and confirming that he has control over his supply.
Never forget that supply is gained by attention and every aspect of confusion in their victim causes the victim to focus their attention on the narcissist. The narcissist knows that confusion automatically puts the human brain on overdrive. The narcissist knows that such confusion creates obsession Al thinking for his victims thus, receiving attention.
Narcissists are delusional. Due to their grandiose delusuoned false self; leaving the narcissist cannot accurately be comprehended by the narcissist. He will believe you are testing him instead and that you could not ever desire a life without him.
The narcissist does not care that his manipulation is the root cause of his victim not being able to leave him, as long as the narcissist can deny the manipulation and the abuse. Externally, the narcissist makes it look like the opposite by denying and shaming the victim
Even if the narcissist’s victim can prove to the narcissist that the narcissist is fact delusional and abusive, the narcissist will continue to deny it all and still feel in control and important because his delusion still remains, due to the victim still contacting him.
In saying this, their is no difference between a discard and the victim leaving the narcissist. Also, know that the only way the narcissist will beg his victim to come back is if he believes his victim has moved on and has cut him off completely. This drives the narcissist batty.
If you cut off contact with a narcissist but do not move on, the narcissist will not beg for you back. How the narcissist knows if you have moved on or not is because the narcissist stalks and hacks.
In regards to a final discard, suc does not exist. The narcissist will only discard you if you are not grade a supply and narcissists do not pretend a full relationship with anything but grade a supply.
My advice to any victim who truly leaves a narcissist is know all the possible outcomes and act accordingly to meet your wishes. Also, always remember that it is a beautiful thing that the narcissist does not harass you if you do leave the relationship and not choose to move on to another relationship right away. Never forget though, the narcissist will jump on you like bees on honey if he sees you are entering another relationship.
Your best bet as a victim of a narcissist is to always appear like you havn’t moved on so the narcissist does not beg you and harass your life by continuously contacting you.
The short answer to this is yes but only if one narcissist is overt and the other narcissist is covert. This narcissistic style of relationship is the recipe for insanity due to being at constant love and war. One foot of the narcissist is inlove and the other foot of the narcissist is in a psychosis. The family facade often created via two narcissists in a relationship, maintains itself solely by a delusional way of existing. This is very confusing for a child growing up with two insane narcissists because yes, both narcissists know they are at war while inlove with each other.
1. Picking fights: the narcissist randomly picks fights with his victims so he is able to do as he wishes behind his victim’s back. This way, the narcissist does not have to expose his hidden lives and secret agendas. This way, the narcissist can blame his victim for false reasons in which he uses to pick the fight he decided to picked , receive supply, keep his facade in tact and project his guilt. Some examples of the various fight starters narcissists will use are: “your so sensitive-all you do is complain- im sick of you, goodbye”, “Where were you? You dont know how to answer the phone? I knew you were cheating on me-silent treatment begins “, “Where were you last night? I know you didn’t go to your cousin’s house, you were probably out sleeping around, whatever..we are done”.
2. Blaming and projecting: the narcissist blames and projects onto his victims for the things that are brought up in a conversation in which the narcissist perceives as blaming and accusatory. The narcissist does this because he cannot stand any form of discussion that involves his shortcomings, another person’s needs, or any form of constructive criticism.
3. The silent treatment: This tactic is used to either gain supply, buy time so he can be with his other victims, punish his victim, or to remove himself from any accountability of any kind thus, having to explain any of his odd unexplainable behaviors or cruelty.
4. Abandonment. The narcissist will leave his victims for a period of time to either teach his victim a lesson, remind his victim who is in charge, or watch his victim become confused and desperate.
5. Verbally abusing: the narcissist verbally abuses his victim because he either feels criticized and becomes defensive, he feels he needs to degrade his victim for being so pathetic and weak for remaining in a relationship with someone like him, to be able to pick a fight, to gain supply or because he feels his control over his victim is slipping.
Narcissists crave you. When you abandon the narcissist, hacking and stalking is usually the result. When the narcissist hacks all your phones, computers, routers, etc, this gives them the leverage to control your mind.
Some examples of the various ways a narcissist will attempt to control their victim is to attack their social media as random aliases, entrenching it all with pop up advertisements that speak to their victim’s insecurities. The narcissist than uses his victims reactions, as supply and faulty proof that their victim is paranoid and crazy.