Anyone who has not encountered living with a narcissist, can not understand what it is like to experience such a unique brand of bad energy. When I refer to this “bad energy”, I am referring to the cognition that ignites within oneself. Victims of narcissists become quite aware of the energy shifts and emotional fluctuations.
The narcissist’s victims end up becoming hypervigiliant because they are constantly trying to mentally survive the narcissist’s ambivalent and toxic nature. It is funny how this works, the narcissist is in fact the one trying to protect their ego from the very same thing they project and create in the minds of their victims.
The victim ends up becoming on guard trying to protect their sanity from the evil narcissist’s shameful and manipulative ways as well as the narcissist, in attempts to protect their false self.
The Victim who decides to leave the narcissist, will most likely encounter some form of stalking and hacking. The narcissist’s victim may encounter random people trying to add them on twitter and facebook for example. They may receive various text messages by the narcissist pretending to be a different person or pretending to be a person from the victim’s past like an old friend as another example. The narcissist will even pretend to be an advocate for narcissistic abuse and will even attempt to to contact his victims in this manner. This strange behavior goes hand in hand with the narcissist’s favorite tactic which is hacking.
Why narcissists choose to do this is because they believe it is a form of control, that they have power over their victims. This sense of delusional power provides the narcissist with a sense of control over their own abandonment simply by being able to monitor and stalk their victims around the clock.
If the victim appears bothered by the hacking and stalking because of course, the narcissist wants their victim to know they are being hacked, this leads to a reaction.
On the same hand, the narcissist doesnt want to appear as if he is the one doing the hacking. When the victim brings the hacking to the narcissist, he will in fact deny it and claim the victim is crazy.
The narcissist believes that stalking and hacking is him tormenting his victims. The narcissist fails to realize that his mind is truly the thing that is being tormented. To stalk and hack someone’s privacy on a daily basis takes an extreme amount of time and effort. It takes dedication and focus to harass someone on a daily basis. The narcissist’s claimed tormenting is, in fact, how the narcissist abuses and torments himself. The narcissist spends all his time in his days obsessing about the very thing that he craves and is addicted to. This sounds more like torment than anything else.
Even if the victim becomes annoyed, angry or frustrated ..this still does not quench the thirst of the narcissist’s ego which screams at him daily. It reminds him with every chance it gets that he is in fact obsessing over a petty woman.
The narcissist likes to pretend he gains some form of power to his victim by stalking and tormenting but he is truly just reminding himself that he is in fact turning himself into supply for his non narcissist victim. If only the victim enjoyed and shared the same obsession he does.
Essentially, the narcissist becomes the very thing he in fact hates. He becomes the very thing he creates in his victims: a pathological obsessive need for the other person.
Never forget that when you yell at a narcissist out of frustration and he ignores you…he is doing so solely because he wants you to believe m he is enjoying his faulty torment and insanity so you can confirm it.
Narcissists want to appear as if they do not care about how embarassed or ashamed they should naturally be. The narcissist wants their victims to believe that it is the victim who should be ashamed and not them. The narcissist’s outlook on such is “I am abusing you therefore, you should be ashamed because you are allowing me to behave this way”.
The trick here is to know that the narcissist only believes if something is real, if the person he is interacting with reacts as if it is real.
For example, the narcissist will ignore his victims after he abuses them shamelessly. This creates the thought in his victim’s mind that the narcissist is in fact not ashamed and that they are being abused because they are that innately shameful. What other conclusion can a victim come to?
The victim than reacts accordingly and voila..the narcissist created his desired reaction in his victim and he gains the sense of control he desparately needed regarding his identity that in fact does not and will not ever truly exist.
The narcissist, from day one, will degrade you. Most people believe this does not take place in the love bombing stage but ..it does. The narcissist covertly abuses his victims in the love bombing stage vs overtly abusing his victims. An example of this would be when the narcissist continuously speaks over you. This is an act of covert degradation.
The only difference between the stages within the narcissistic abuse cycle in regards to degradation is over time, the victim is blamed for the narcissist abusing them.
The warning signs are very much there at the beginning of the relationship but the problem is not failing to recognize the warning signs but instead, is having hope.
Many victims of a narcissist blame themselves for either being naive, stupid or gullable as if they allowed the narcissist to abuse them somehow because they couldnt see the narcissist for who they are in the beginning of their relationship.
For all those with such a thinking pattern..know that if you were in fact, able to avoid a relationship with your narcissist, it would mean you are a narcissist. People who do not have NPD, do not doubt the goodness in humanity. The price of meeting and being with a narcissist is worth the amount you paid in whatever emotional currency you had to pay in because in the end…you have the very thing the narcissist pathologically envied which is your humanity.
The way the narcissist views your position in his life is a position of helplessness. The narcissist believes he is in control of you because you allowed yourself to be in the position you are in despite the fact that he is the one who manifested this position. The narcissist stalks hacks and abuses his victim to feed the perception he holds toward his delusional purpose he believes he plays in his victim’s life.
The narcissist believes power is derived from the controlling of others. The problem with this sense of control is that it plays as a constant reminder that they are in fact, not in control at all. Due to the lacking of awareness surrounding this fact, the narcissist fails to see that if he was truly in control, he would not need to seek it. Essentially, the narcissist will never realistically be in control simply because he accepts the things he feels he needs to do to gain with hopes to gain a sense of control which.. in the end…remains a delusion.